It is time for an updated blog. As a matter of fact. It is long over due. My husband was able to be at home until May of this year. He is since waiting in the hospital rehab for a spot in one of the carehomes. He has accepted the fact that it was impossible to care for him at home, even with the help of homecare. How have I accepted it? Some days better than others. It feels like I am a "half" widow. I go and see him twice every day, but when I come home there is only the dog to greet me. For the rest, the house is an empty place.
We are very thankful that we have each other still and the neurologist had his timing wrong. We are living about 1 1/2 years overtime, but the quality of my husband's physical life is almost gone. However his mind is still clear most of the time, which is a blessing.
I made a big trip in July (by myself) to visit my children in Alberta and B.C. and was able to attend the wedding of my granddaughter in Cranbrook. It took so much out of me, all this travel by bus, plane and car that it took me longer than normal to get back into my routine and I could not bring up the strength for another trip to Edmonton (writer's conference). Age is creeping up and I need to space myself.
The Lord has been so faithful during this year and has given me peace and strength day by day.
We'l see what tomorrow brings. It is all in the Lord's hands and the best place to leave it.

A new post for a new season. We're waiting out the old year, 2015, to start a brand new year, 2016. We do not know what the new year will bring us. Will it be an other year for my husband to be cared for at home, or maybe part of the year? He could still outlive me. We are both elderly and our time is in God's wise bestowment. We have learned to live one day at a time and some days are better than others.
 However I like to plan and have reserved a spot in the care home for Walter the end of February so I can take a break and visit the children. There is only one room available in the whole valley for respite and it is used often. If plans need to be changed, so be it.
I have also told my granddaughter that I plan to be at her wedding in July. I am excited to see her getting married.
We'll wait the hour to march into the new year and straight to bed. We are so thankful that we still are together in our home. To God be the glory.

It's hard to believe that the last time I wrote the snow was disappearing and now the snow is back again. It is winter again and the stores are filled with Christmas gifts and decorations. Even my Facebook is cluttered with advertising.
Even though there are just the two of us time seems to be sliding by quickly. I was able to see some of the new additions to our family and watched my granddaughter's husband graduate from the RCMP depot in Regina.
Another highlight was to attend the Inscribe Fall conference in Edmonton. Wonderful to see my writer friends an attend some great workshops.
My husband who suffers from a neurological disease was willing to go to the care home during the time that I was away. He is living overtime (at least 8 months) if we adhere to a verdict of the neurologist. He is still at home and with the help of homecare we are surviving. It is too bad that we can not go places anymore together because he is too weak. I tell anyone who will listen to do things together with your husband as long as you can. We are old and content just to be together at home. I do get a break when I need it.
God is in control and He guides us just one step at a time. He gives us a peace that passes all understanding.
I will try to keep in touch more often. God bless you all

It is a nice sunny day and the snow is pretty well gone in our town. The two weeks that I was away took care of that. Now it is the middle of April and we are all looking forward to the warm weather of summer. People are buying their seeds to be ready for planting season. The farmers are getting their seeds ready and the machinery so they can go on the field soon.
My husband is still with us and we are thankful. When I took a break (had a ride to Alberta) Walter spent time in the care home. It was not pleasant when the whole building was quarantined because of a flue outbreak. It was a lonely time for him. He was glad to go home again.
Yesterday he was determined to go to the bank. He still wants to do some things himself. It was a mistake, he later confessed, because he could hardly move. When we came out of the bank we met a friend whose wife is ill and he is taking care of her. The words that uplifted me were "I feel for you. I know what you are going through." Nobody ever told me that. The thought came to me that it would be nice if there was a support group of caregivers who spent almost full time caring for their spouses. We could share our predicaments and our disappointments and also our blessings. We could also pray together for strength to endure. The Lord is faithful and will guide and direct us, but sometimes a human touch will go a long way. I am sure I am not the only one who is a caregiver for a spouse or even a child. It is wonderful that my husband is still alive and we were able to celebrate his 85th birthday with a nice party and supper with family and close friends. The doctor's diagnoses was wrong and I am thankful for each day that we have together. I need to lean on the Lord for every step I take, even when I have a sleepless night and am so very tired.
Our dog can be a nuisance, but is also very caring. I had fallen asleep in my chair and Walter called me from the bathroom. I woke up when Kiki jumped on my lap and woke me up. Apparently my husband had told her to go and get me, and she sure did. A faithful pooch she is.
Maybe someone you know needs a word of encouragement. Lets us not forget our obligation to God. He will take care of us and never leave us nor forsake us, but we need to pass on some of His love to those around us.
These are my thoughts for this season. 

Not looking back, but keep going.

When I have not written for awhile, not counting my weekly little devotionals , my heart urges me to write again. I will not look back at the date that I wrote on my blog last. I just want to keep going. Life has its ups and downs but with Christ aboard our vessel we can over come and be blessed from day to day. One of my children suggested to write each day in my journal one item of thanksgiving. It is uplifting to do so, because each day has its blessings. We just do not see them or count them.
Today the sun is shining and the snow is melting. It really feels that spring is not far away. When I look at the pictures on my walls and shelves I realize how rich I am with my family. My husband has a neurological disease which is shredding his body apart. His mobility is very poor and it is beginning to rob him from enjoying life. Some of his organs are not working properly anymore which is devastating for him. Still we can see how the Lord protects him when we have to go out somewhere and there are no falls or mishaps. As long we are open to see His protection and guidance. The prognosis is poor, but doctors have been wrong before and we rely on a Holy God who makes the rules about living and dying.
It has taught me to look around and see the needs in our town. There are many lonely people, who are housebound because of age and infirmities. I see it now in my own home. People are afraid to take my husband out because of his poor mobility, but the business of life breaks down communication and visitation. Many elderly people have no family here and some spent days on end in bed or in a chair. How can we help them? I try, but now I feel my place is at home with my husband who is also lonely for visitors.
We need to pray that the Lord will stir hearts and bring about commitment to seek contact with the elderly in our communities. It is not until we experience it ourselves that we see the need around us.
My heart is hurting.

Investigate before you decide.

It is always nice when something exciting happens in the family. I found out that a Dutch writer wrote a book about the family background of my first husband. He passed away more than 30 years ago but I stay in close touch with the family. Of course I want to have a copy of this book. The only setback is that it is written in Dutch and my children do not read any Dutch. I asked the author permission to translate some parts of the book that would be of interest to my children. He gave me that permission freely.
It is a very expensive book and I want to pay my brother-in-law the cost of the book. No problem. I go to the bank and get a banknote for the amount of the book in Euros. About a week later my brother-in-law phones and tells me that it will cost him 25 Euros to cash the banknote of 52 Euros. He did not feel right to do this and was suggesting a different way of doing this. His son his coming to Canada this Christmas and visit my youngest son in B.C. He will bring the book and I will work things out with my son. Sounds like a good plan so I tell him to tear up the banknote and I will go to my bank to cancel the note.
When I go to the bank with my request they tell me that it will cost me $ 20.00 to cancel this note. Unreal. I debate (maybe argue) a little and they say that they will wave the fine. They propose this fine, because head-office has to investigate that the note indeed was not cashed. If the note would have been returned I could just have cancelled it at the bank.  Ok, I phone my brother-in-law in Holland again. He just finished tearing up the note (in little pieces) and put it in the garbage. He just wanted to make sure that nobody could dig up the pieces, putting them together and cash it. Just for me he was willing to dig the pieces of banknote out of the garbage, put them in an envelope and send them to me. I now have prove in case they do not want to wave the fine on this end. Nobody ever told us anything about fines, either in Holland or in Canada.
We all had a good laugh and learned a very valuable lesson. Investigate before you beside.
A new job is waiting me with the translation of parts of the book for my children.
When I phoned my brother-in-law the other day for his birthday he told me that the "snippertjes" (little pieces) are on its way. The Lord has given us common sense and it will all work out for the best.

Trust

When do we trust a prognosis from a doctor? My husband has a neurological disease which impairs his mobility and takes away his strength bit by bit. The last time we went to see the neurologist he told us that he would give my husband six to nine months to live. We better prepare our future, according to him. We were stunned with this verdict. It was like a death sentence. This happened 2 1/2 months ago. Should we believe this doctor? We have heard over and over from other people that you can not trust a prognosis, because the doctors have been wrong so many times. We know now that if we make it till the new year we have broken the six months. If we make it till his 85th birthday the end of next March, we have broken the nine months prognosis.
However we refused to live that way. We are blessed every morning when we wake up and still have breakfast together. We are happy that we can still be together in our home. We know that God is in control and we will accept His prognosis for our life. Our future is secured, we know that Heaven  is waiting and we can still enjoy peace and rest together. We are still so blessed knowing Who is in charge and Who we can trust.
The doctor could be right or wrong. We do not care, but just live one day at a time and enjoy each other.